My birth was an exciting event. I was a high risk child. The day I was induced they had my mom hooked
to heart monitors and all sorts of measuring equipment. At one point my heart tones went below 28
beats a minute. Sirens went off and
nurses started running around frantically.
One nurse was attending to my mother and kept telling her to breathe
deeper. Finally my mom shouted “I am
breathing deeper!” and the lady responded “I know!” expressing that she did not
know what else to say. I came ready to hang
with the chord wrapped around my neck and one of my arms, but thanks to skilled
and attentive doctors and promptings listened to I arrived safely. There were a lot of people living in my
house. My Aunt Chris lived along with us
and my family already included 9 people, including my parents. I was an
adorable child with ringlets in my short dark blonde hair.
My younger brother was born when I was the age of three and
we have been best friends ever since.
People say I used to look out for him and make sure he would not get
into too much trouble. I became a sort
of second mother to him at one point until my mother had to tell me, “He
doesn’t need two mothers.” I remember
Saturday chores being a tradition in my family.
I most remember doing my best to avoid my chores. I was successful on
occasion. There was nothing that could
get my dad so angry as shirking chores.
My mom started me on a journal at a very young age. I may have only been two. She would ask me about my experience I would
tell her about it and she would write it down.
That is something I continued with my entire life.
At the age of eight I was baptized into the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints. I remember
expecting to feel different having heard so many people tell me it was such an
amazing experience, that they were washed clean, that it was the best day of
their life. I did not. So when my mom asked me how I felt afterward,
I lied and said it was amazing. “I feel
clean.” I had not been baptized ten
minutes and I had already sinned.
Growing up my best friend was Justin Hein. We were the same age and the same grade in
school. His dad was my doctor up until
the time that his parents got divorced.
I was a good student, if unorganized. My parents had instilled in me a testimony of
the importance of a good education. I
never questioned that I would go to college.
In elementary school my friends and I were talking about what colleges
we would want to go to. I was always good at making good goals and following
through. By fifth grade I had decided
that I was going to a BYU school. That
choice guided many of my educational choices.
I looked up most to my sister Michelle and my brother
Tyler. Both are exceptional human
beings. Michelle often took time out of
her busy schedule to play with me and give me one on one attention. We would “do necklaces.” And play dolls.
For a blip in the time of my life we had a foster kid
staying in our home. Mother says that he
damaged our home, but I think it was important to have him there just the
same. It feels like God’s will, and it
is the past anyway, so it is not as if it is to be changed.
I did not have a lot of friends in elementary school or
middle school. I spent of my fifth grade
playing alone at recess and lunch. In
middle school I felt alone most of the time.
I did not have friends at church and felt like I was looking through a
window when I went to activities.
Then we went to youth conference when I was almost 14 and I
roomed with Jennifer Blanchard (later Jennifer Maybe). She was excited to be my
roommate. She had a lot of friends. I
felt included and noticed by people my age.
In eighth grade I met a girl who I became really good
friends with. Kristine Port, who was a Jehovah’s
Witness and taught me to admire their fortitude. After a couple years though, we lost contact.
When I started high school, they were doing a program that
split freshmen from other people at lunch.
It was an effort to unify the freshmen and prevent bullying. This forced me to find people my own age to
sit with. I sat with Justin Hein, Geneva
Burlack and Becca Joccums and the other people became my friends and the core
group stayed together.
I took AP classes, because I could not get an education in
the lower classes because the students did not care and neither did the
teachers.
I was a part of the choir all four years of high school. I
did improvisational comedy all four years as well. I continued doing that in college.
In my junior year, I dated Trevian Austin. It lasted 3 months. I knew going into it, it would
not last, but it was a great experience just the same.
I graduated in 2010. That year was one of the best. My classes were educational and fun. Toward the end I spent a lot of time just
messing around with my friends.
I completed the Personal Progress program at that same time.
I started school in the fall at BYUI. I went not knowing any
friends or having any roommates I was already friends with. I started completely from scratch. That was my first time moving. Some of my roommates ended up being people I
would stay friends with and continue to room with. I roomed with Michaela McMormack, or McCormack
(later Oniones) until she married Dan Oniones in 2012 in the Portland Oregon
temple. Her name story is
interesting. Her family’s name is
McCormack, but the nurse spelled it wrong as McMormack on her birth certificate
and no one caught it till she was 16. I
roomed with Amanda Southwick every semester until the spring semester in 2013.
Justin Hein came out of the closet in 2011-2012. I was pretty much the last person to
know. I would not believe anyone but
Justin to say it. It was hard at first
because we had different beliefs about it, but our deep friendship conquered
the differences. We came to understand
that even though we disagreed we could still be friends because we valued the
friendship.
I met Jonathan Behymer in the beginning of August in 2012 at
a YSA conference. He caught my attention
and we started dating the 7th of September 2012. The first 3 months were long distance. I
stayed home and took classes online for the spring so that we could be together
and to continue my paid internship at JBEI. When that internship ended I
continued classes. We officially started
dating exclusively the day before I left for school. The time crunch rushed the relationship and
we spent our first evening as a couple kissing.
I came home to find things were not as they seemed. I had fallen head over heels and he had been
casually dating me. He had been flirting
with other girls, because he was not that involved in our relationship. It helped that my job was in vista now and
was close to where he lived. We talked
through our issues and I forgave him and he changed. He was more interested in me.
Then for a while things were rough. He was everything but what I needed. Until I started praying to have the Holy
Ghost guide what I say and do around him.
I received divine help and we began to make head way on important
issues.
One day when he would not kiss me before he left for camp
the next day for a month, because he did not want to get me sick, I began to
pout. He then told me that “pouting
doesn’t work.” I felt prompted and asked
him what did and he said, “Not needing it.” I was stunned and I told him that
was ridiculous. He said, “If you need it
then what is it? An addiction.” I told
him it was like being addicted food or water, being loved is a basic need. We continued to discuss until I said
something silly and busted up laughing.
As I giggled he kissed me.
That was my first experience of him compromising and letting
go of his stubborn side in action.
I returned to Idaho in the fall. He did not get his
application in for the fall semester and the earliest he could go was
winter. This posed a problem for
me. I was not sure if I should stay in winter
to be with him, if I should go home, or if I should not wait for him that
long. After all in winter we would have
been dating a year and 3 months I reasoned.
I graduated in Communications with an emphasis in
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